By George Frobisher
I finally hit rock bottom.
Yesterday, Frank assigned me to do a story about how Nancy was shagging her dentist – as if anyone cared. Today, he assigned me to do “the eyebrows of Nxivm”. That’s right. To report on the shape of the eyebrows of Nxivm women and, in particular, Lauren Salzman.
Frank said, “Keith Raniere ordered his slaves not to groom, trim or shave their pubic hair. He also did not let them cut their hair without his permission. So what did he require of his ladies’ eyebrows?”
I really don’t care. And nobody else will either.
This eyebrow nonsense started because of a comment by Brigid and while I appreciate her efforts – that’s where this topic should have stayed – as a simple comment, not a whole post.
Here is Brigid’s comment.
Was there a local aesthetician who was doing all their eyebrows? Like Lauren Salzman, is she trying to capture the ‘femmes of MS13 gangland’ look with the drawn-on with a Sharpie bizarrely-placed permanently-surprised look? What did she see when she looked in the mirror at those U shaped eyebrows?
Lauren looks utterly insane in every photo because of her eyebrows.
But then I noticed that she isn’t the only one with that same shape and odd position of the hook brow.
Thyroid problems will make the brow thin on the outer part, and I suppose anorexia will make them simply fall out. Lauren’s appear purposefully misshapen. To me they are so striking I can look at little else in these photos. Where were these women’s minds that they failed to see themselves in the mirror?
Lauren Salzman in Wakaya Island, Fiji.
Ivy Nevares [l] with her therapist Lauren Salzman. Both women were promised by Keith Raniere that they would have his first-born child. There seems a fair amount of pencil in lieu of hair.
Lauren Salzman
While Keith complained when Lauren posed for a naked snatch shot because it seemed she had trimmed her bush but he does not seem to have any problem with her trimming, shaping and plucking her eyebrows.
What about those pheromones?
OK. So where do we go from here? Suppose I told you I was quitting the Frank Report to pursue my lifelong dream of being a plastic surgeon. That should raise a few eyebrows.
Clare Bronfman’s eyebrows.
You know I told Clare she had drawn her eyebrows on too low for court. She just scowled at me the entire time.
Allison seems to have nice thick, bushy eyebrows.
You’ve heard of Betty Davis eyes. How about Kathy Russell eyebrows?
A more recent pic of Kathy Russell.
Ah, Toni Natalie. You know what’s weird about cosmetic procedures? When people get plastic surgery, everyone looks shocked. But when people do Botox, nobody even raises an eyebrow.
The late Pam Caftriz in a photo.
Penciled eyebrows? Rosa Laura Junco, heiress, and first-line slave master. This mother of five was so enamored of Keith Alan Raniere that she offered her 15-year-old virgin daughter to him for his pleasure.
I told Allison Mack that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Dr. Danielle Roberts’s eyebrows look like they were branded on her with a very fine cauterizing pen.
Michele Hatchette, who Allison Mack described as having a “beautiful cunt”, also has beautiful eyebrows.
I was surprised that Daniela Padilla managed to draw her eyebrows on at the right height instead of too high for once but when I told her she didn’t seem surprised.
Dawn Morrison, a long-time member of Raniere’s harem. What do readers think of her eyebrows?
Ivy Nevares, a long time slave of Keith Raniere, was told she could never cut her hair, which raised plenty of eyebrows in Nxivm – when her hair went down past her feet.
Ivy Nevares is a belly dancer. Here she is at the 2016 V Week. She did not attend V-Week 2017 over jealousy issues. She found out that Keith had gotten Mariana pregnant and she reportedly was suicidal. She had been promised the avatar baby.
Mother of the avatar baby. It was announced at V-Week 2017, that Marianna Fernandez had a child with Keith Raniere which, quite literally, raised a lot of eyebrows.
Monica Duran was one of the eight first-line slaves who were ready to give Raniere her two succulent lips for a first-rate, group blow job. But where would her eyebrow’s have been?
Loretta Garza, head of the Rainbow Cultural Garden human child experiment, and a First Line slave master. She too was supposed to be part of the group blow job. I can just picture Raniere – with those eight women all crowding around his magnificent member – looking down at their 16 eyebrows.
Which reminds me of a joke Keith Raniere used to tell his first-line slaves.
“They’re called eyebrows because you’re ‘eyes’ are ‘brow’sing my fine cock.
Esther Carlson Chiappone
I’m getting tired looking at pictures of these dunces and commenting on their eyebrows.
Nicki Clyne – with eyebrows.
A recent shot of Clyne
Which reminds me – MK10ART just did this nice painting of Nicki Clyne climbing a pole. Nicki loves to show off and published her picture on Instagram. There was only one little mistake she made. It showed she was in Puerto Vallarta Mexico. And Frank Parlato found the picture and published it – speculating that that’s where Keith Raniere was hiding. The Mexican Federal Police arrested him shortly afterward.
Barbara Bouchey, once queen of the harem. She enrolled hundreds into the cult. Maybe it was her eyebrows that made her so believable.
Furrowed brow. Barb after learning about the guilty verdict of Keith Raniere.
Eight mouths – 16 eyebrows and eight unshaved pussies – and one unwashed pervert.
The eight first line slaves who were going to give Keith a group blow job and eyebrow massage.
Sara Bronfman-Igtet is not on the chart above – the chart of Keith Raniere’s inner circle – as prepared by the government in the trial of Keith Raniere.
No one knows why she was not pictured with the inner circle. She was certainly one of the top leaders of Nxivm.
Lost in Space. Hey, wait a minute. Look at her ear – can’t you see the window on the other side of the room?
Better picture. Sara Bronfman scheduled an appointment with the lady who does her eyebrows. She said she could pencil her in.
I’m running out of things to say about eyebrows.
Nancy Salzman, 63, decided, now that Vanguard is likely to be in prison for the rest of his life, it was time to get another man to lead and rule her.She put an ad in the paper that read: VANGUARD WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60’s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. Nancy said, ‘You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!
The man smiled, ‘Therefore, I cannot run around on you!’
She snorted. ‘You don’t have any arms either!’
Again, the man smiled, ‘Therefore, I can never beat you!’
Nancy raised an eyebrow and asked intently, ‘Are you still good in bed???’
The man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, ‘I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
OK. This is it. The last set of eyebrows.
A good looking man walked into a singles bar, bought a drink and settled down ready to use his best lines.
But for the next two hours, every woman he approached gave him the brush-off.
Then suddenly a really ugly guy named Keith Raniere walked in and within seconds he was surrounded by beautiful, available women. A few minutes later he sauntered out with a striking brunette on each arm.
The handsome guy was thoroughly despondent. Turning to the bartender, he said: ‘I don’t get it. How did that guy walk out with those two when I can’t even get a phone number?’
‘I don’t know what his secret is,’ said the barman. ‘But he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows… .’
Viva Executive Success!
