The following post may disturb some individuals, since it describes and depicts male violent sado-masochistic sex. Do not read if that topic may traumatize you.
By Ruth Graham
The cleverest move of predatory men of the 21st century was to convince people that if it gets your cock hard, there’s nothing immoral to it! What a loophole!
With the caveat that a light spanking and/or some dungeon role-play can indeed be fully consensual (we all know it can be), I’m reposting a comment from an anonymous woman.
Here is the comment:
I was really into being the subject of that violent stuff at the lowest moments of my life (I was a teenager). I had literally no self respect and felt lower than dirt.
I only felt value from doing things for others.
It was somehow a turn on to have a sex act reflect how I felt about myself, and to degrade myself in a way I thought I deserved.
Trauma & abuse really screws with your head.
I know on some level I am just projecting.
There are stable women who like this stuff. But anytime I’ve seen this type of act in porn, I see my younger self in a lot of those young women.
I still remember the feeling of seeing it on a porn website and being transported back to images when I had that same look in my eyes. Weirdly enough, despite being sort of hypersexual in my youth, I realized I was asexual in my older twenties, which I am almost grateful for because I am so tired of the trauma that comes with sex.
I reposted this so people can understand this in the context of abuse cycles, particularly those tied to histories of brutality, epigenic memories of genocide, abduction, fascism, trafficking, war, and all forms of generationally passed down trauma, addiction and domestic violence.
She wrote, “tired of the trauma that comes with sex.”
Many women face it
Women are normalized to abuse, pain and degradation in sex, because it’s modeled to us. Trauma is an experience of sex. It’s part of our cycle of trauma.
To say that consenting removes the problem is disrespectful to millions who face this abuse daily or grew up with it, so they internalize it (self hate), like the woman above.
This is an old, old pattern accelerated by hyper consumerism and social media/porn addiction. It’s neither humane nor progressive.
We will live in a kinder world only when our sex is kinder. This is true despite rampant abuse justified by the idea that whatever a man wants to do to a woman is fine, as long as he obtains consent for it from some poor self-hating soul.
Making sex violent and violence sexy is, in fact, the conservative, shitty rape culture currently plaguing our entire world. It is the driver of brutalization, dehumanization and disassociation. It’s what we find in most fascist societies.
Abusers sure did a fancy trick saying it’s not abusive as long as someone’s cock get’s hard.
You’re going to tell me it’s progressive?
Male sexual violence? Sexual violence in general? It’s peddled to tweens and teenagers as the new best thing. It isn’t and never should have been.
Teenage girls are getting anal fissures, because anal is “a given.”
College girls expect to be choked by the average hookup, because it’s become ubiquitous in porn.
Hair pulling in sex during doggy style snaps the vertebrae of some 20 year olds, giving them paralysis.
If you train young men to find this arousing, you incite and normalize degrading and abusive violence against women.
More and more men argue in court that the violence they subjected women to was “consensual violence.” Men have gotten off from murder charges with this defense.
By age 7, the average boy is exposed to increasingly violent porn.
This is good? Really?
I can talk at length about how tying violence to sex leads to polarized gender roles and abuse towards LGBT and anyone gender non-conforming. It gives people complexes and makes the expected communication between genders more extreme.
This is arousing?
It also leads to people replaying violent roles outside the bedroom – in the government for example – through strongmen politicians who repeat the master-slave relationship….that has been fetishized into the brains of the populace and is expected of our leaders subconsciously.
Do what you want in your bedroom, but don’t argue it’s okay as long as you claim consent.
And don’t say someone not into dangerous ASPHYXIATION is a prude, just because you like to call it some kind of kink/fetish and think that’s some loophole or sex positivity thing.
I reserve the right to kink shame anyone aroused by violence, pain, and restricting people’s airways.
It reminds me of someone who claimed it’s wrong to be shamed for eating feces because it’s their fetish.
