Mary Fredericks is the mother of two children who just stopped being teens.
By Mary Fredericks
This is an age when hebephilia, is one of the gravest crimes in America. Hebephilia is the sexual urge for post-pubescent but still under-the-age-of-consent teens. Witness the Ghislaine Maxwell-Jeffrey Epstein case. Some, therefore, might find it ironic that an ‘expert’ at a prominent nonprofit, dedicated to promoting the best in life for teens – the Healthy Teen Network – is encouraging teens to embrace sexuality in ways that others might find controversial.
In fact, some might argue they are encouraging hebephilia.
Healthy Teens Network advocates that teens masturbate, watch porn, and sext during the pandemic.
I presume this advice is proffered as a Covid-alternative to having sex with a real partner or partners to avoid catching the virus.
Sexting is sending or receiving sexual pictures, messages, or videos through cell phones, apps, emails, or webcams.
Maybe it is the right thing to do – encourage teens to have sex without physical partners present since teens seem to have sex regardless of encouragement or discouragement.
On the other hand, the Judeo Christian [and for that matter Hindu, Buddhist and Muslim tradition] try to encourage children in the opposite direction, away from sexuality, when they reach their teen years. There are still some old-fashioned people who advocate not having sex until marriage. And even after marriage, promulgate monogamy, and eschew pornography for its exploitative and non-monogamous implications.
This may be patriarchal, but I know fathers, living now, and many who have gone to their graves, who safeguarded their daughters’ virginity. And not one father I know would condone their teen daughters being taught how to watch porn. They would be deeply upset if some person in a supposed authority advised their teen children to masturbate.
This might then be the clash between the patriarchy and ‘woke’ people. The idea that chastity for children and teens is a worthwhile pursuit is patriarchal. Our society today seems conflicted about it. Everyone is aghast at Maxwell and Epstein luring 14-17-year-old teens into their world of debauchery – but how is advising young teens to watch porn really that much different? The sexual scenes teens find in porn are just as explicit, degrading and debauched as anything Epstein and Maxwell offered. The imagery is the same and porn can lead children to a world outside of mere viewing to actually experimenting by normalizing the explicit and shocking scenes – and leading impressionable teens to act out the scenes they see, if the opportunity arises. And it will arise for many teens.
The Healthy Teen Network is a not-for-profit organization, and it offers advice for teens, some of whom are, undoubtedly, under the age of consent. Their article, 5 Tips for Your Sexual Health During COVID-19. gives a view of what their attitude towards sex is for teens, and not only during the pandemic.
The author, their expert, is Ella Dorval Hall. She graduated from Saint Michael’s College in 2018 with a degree in environmental studies. She did a senior thesis on Ecofeminism and has done, she says, some research into human sexuality. She also worked in some capacity in academic settings with “young adults” [how old is a young adult?] to “foster health, well-being, and skills to succeed academically.”
The Board of DIrectors of Healthy Teens is comprised of three women and one man. The man appears to be Hispanic. Two of the three women are Black, one is White. The ex officio group, also listed on the board’s page, consists of two Black women, two White women, and one Black man. That makes it seven women and two men. Four Black women and three White women and one Black and one Hispanic man. This may be diverse enough for some.
Below is what is recommended by Ella Dorval Hall on behalf of the Healthy Teen Network – in their 5 Tips for Your Sexual Health During COVID-19: for teens, aged, by definition,13-19.
“COVID-19 may be making all sorts of relationships challenging, but particularly our sexual relationships. Here are five resources…
1. Sexting
Did you know, one study found “women were four times more likely to say they sent a sext to feel empowered and twice as likely to say they did it to feel confident”? Read more in Why do people sext? Not sure how to sext? Here are some ideas on how.
2. Solo Sex
While social distancing, we can practice solo sex (aka masturbating) to get to know our own bodies and pleasure. Unsure how? Have questions? (You’re not alone). Here is how to masturbate, and these are some extra tips if you are someone with a clitoris. Are you asking yourself, “Is it OK for my child to masturbate”? See what experts say the answer is.
[Here is a strange thing on the link to “is it Ok for my child to masturbate?: “Do redirect their attention when they start masturbating in public. Give them a toy, screen, or another distraction. (Try things like: Hey honey, want to play with your Legos? Or, let’s go look at that cool fish tank over there!) It’s easier to draw their attention to something else enticing than it is to try to scold them into stopping.]
3. Porn
Despite mixed messages out there about porn, it is often a very healthy part of people’s sexuality. Find out why young people watch porn and what they learn from it. Interested in watching porn? Check out this “Fact or Fiction” video and try this porn literacy toolkit.
4. “Date yourself”
Yes, relationships during COVID are still extremely important, but what does it mean to truly be in a relationship with yourself? This can be an opportunity to explore that question, and Scarleteen has some ideas.
5. Go Online
Social media is full of sex experts who are sharing resources on mental health, how to use sex toys, tips for dirty talk, communication and consent, or how race, class, gender, and power show up in sexuality. Check out some of these amazing educators: @odotschool, @sexpositive_families, @vagesteem, @iheartericka, and @pphphealth.
***
I have no comment on whether this is good or bad advice for others’ teens, but as a parent I find it abhorrent advice for my children.
Still, I think it worthy of debate. If it is good advice, then we should proudly tell our teen children to watch porn, sext, and masturbate.
Suppose they cross the line and do the things they see enacted in the porn they are advised to watch? Why wouldn’t they try it? We are advising them it is OK. If it’s Ok to watch, then why wouldn’t it be OK to do? Let us not be hypocrites. These are children after all. They are – as most teens are – under the age of consent. It is presumed by the patriarchal law that they do not have the judgment to decide whether they can have sex.
Should they decide, rather than masturbate, which in the end is a lonely, empty pursuit for many, to go out and find a real live partner and have sex, despite being under the age of consent, why should we be surprised? Experts are telling us to encourage young teens to masturbate, to enjoy the feelings, the pure physical enjoyments of orgasm. Why shouldn’t children seek to improve on that pleasure by contacting a willing partner?
If a teen is being advised to watch porn – which is adults having sex – why would that teen think it is a bad thing for him or her to try it- even if they are under the age of consent? Depending on jurisdiction, the legal age of consent is between 16 and 18 in the USA.
Advising teens to watch porn or sext or even masturbate seems to me like encouraging hebephilia.
The old tradition was to discourage teen sexuality. To suppress it. To distract children to do other things – even play with their legos. It wasn’t perfect. It often failed. But is this new woke advice, coming from adults to teens, any better?
Your response, without anger or outrage, is welcome.
