By Marie White
Government, Everywhere
The Dutch government just issued important sex guidance for single people.
The National Institute for Public Health and the Environment (RIVM) says singletons should come to an arrangement with only one other person, if possible.
But, brilliantly they add – avoid sex if one of them has coronavirus!
The Netherlands has been in an “intelligent lockdown” since March 23.
On May 14, the RIVM advised, “Meet with the same person to have physical or sexual contact (for example, a cuddle buddy or sex buddy), provided you are free of illness.
“Make good arrangements with this person about how many other people you both see. The more people you see, the greater the chance of (spreading) the coronavirus.”
And what if you already have coronavirus?
“Sex with yourself or with others at a distance is possible,” the RIVM suggests.
“Erotic stories” and “masturbating together” – with proper social distancing are recommended.
As part of the first phase of reopening from the lockdown, libraries, hairdressers, nail bars, beauticians, massage salons and places providing occupational therapy were allowed to reopen on May 11 in the Netherlands. Sex workers, who can normally ply their trade legally there, have not been allowed to go back to their ‘non-essential’ work.
More than 43,000 people have tested positive for coronavirus in the country so far, with more than 5,600 deaths.
USA Also Has Good Taxpayer-Funded Advice
Do taxpayers in the USA need to pay for sound sex advice? The answer is a resounding yes.
New York City Health [NYCH] has this advice in their Sex and Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19):
“All New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19. But can you have sex?”
The answer is yes with qualifications.
According to NYCH “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”
Can you actually be a sex partner for yourself? Or would it be simply onanism, sex without a partner?
“The next safest partner is someone you live with. Having close contact — including sex — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19. Have sex only with consenting partners.”
In other words, don’t rape anyone because you might get the virus from them.
“If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible.”
That’s good advice during a pandemic.
“If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living by having sex, consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.”
Is that realistic for sex workers?
Eat Shit and [Possibly] Die
Taxpayers also paid for the following message:
“Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread COVID-19. Virus in feces may enter your mouth.”
Which reminds me of this one-liner: “Your rim job was not funny, so you better wipe that smile off your feces.”
More good advice:
Dental Dams?
“Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva or feces, especially during oral or anal sex.”
[Above] If you insist on eating feces, make sure you put this on.
“Disinfect keyboards and touch screens that you share with others (for video chat, for watching pornography or for anything else).”
This can be a sticky issue if your porn-watching partner doesn’t want to wash the computer with soap and warm water.
Oregon Rules
Let’s go to Oregon where taxpayers paid for this graphic.
Is that a peach?
Oregon advises residents to press pause on their ubiquitous practice of putting feces in their mouth, which might be why they also advise selective kissing.
Oregon, like NYC, urges people to switch from sex with partners to onanism.
“Take this time to find out what makes you feel good,” the health agency wrote, along with pictures of a “fleshlight,” and a vibrator.
What the hell is a fleshlight?
The fleshlight is apparently a plastic device designed to appear something not unlike a vagina or an anus.
It is meant for lonesome losers who couldn’t get a date to save their lives. A live penis is inserted into the plastic device, which has a hole in the middle.
Oregon advises pathetic losers to wash this item for 20 seconds after using, but I would advise them to wash it for about an hour-and-a-half. Especially if you are going to share it with neighbors and friends.
Which reminds me of two losers who had love dolls and would go out on double dates. They were swingers, and the two dudes used to swap love dolls.
Grotesque images lie ahead!
These are pictures of fleshlights. Model is not included.
Safer than the real thing?
Fleshlighs do not light up like a flashlight and, in fact, do the opposite. Studies show they make you dull.
Are Sex Dolls Safe If They Come From China?
While governments in various states do not seem to specifically advocate for the use of sex dolls [price $200], or sex robots [$4000 plus], some sex doll and robot companies have been making an important self-serving public service message:
Sex dolls are certainly better than humans during coronavirus.
Abyss, the maker of sex robots RealDolls, assures its sad-sack buyers that its dolls are 100 percent free of COVID-19.
“All RealDolls are made from Platinum Grade Silicone and are naturally antibacterial and nonporous!”, it assures its lonesome loser customers.
But is there a problem if the sex doll or robot is made in China, which is, in fact, where most of them come from?
In other words, can China-made sex dolls carry coronavirus?
There is one website that boldly answers this question. It is realsexdollreviews.com, which says, “Sex doll industries have been greatly affected as most of these products were made and delivered from China. But to break the existing perception toward China-made sex dolls, is there really a high-risk of product-to-human viral transmission? One firm answer: No!. There is no medical proof that upholds this claim. Sex dolls assembled or imported from China have no harm to the people.”
But just because there is “no medical proof” that masturbators won’t get Covid-19 from their China-made sex dolls, is there any medical proof that they won’t?
This old fool finally won the [silicone] woman of his dreams. She was made in China, but she loves him. After being washed with soap and warm water, she is virus-free.
Unlike his last girlfriend, who cheated on him, because he is a dud in every way, this amorous gent can truly trust his new love to never cheat on him. This is important during the pandemic since it means he won’t catch coronavirus from her. And what’s also important, even if he gets coronavirus, he can still have sex with her, since she won’t catch it as long as he washes her with soap and warm water.
Women can get in on the coronavirus-free act too and buy Chinese-made male sex dolls and ladies be confident it will never give you the virus. Tip: If the penis is a little cold just use soap and warm water and wash it for about 20 minutes.
Even if America has taken leave of its senses during the pandemic, I still like living here a hell of a lot better than living in Communist China.
