The Dossier Project continues.
In the Dossier Project’s latest YouTube video, five of the last six members of the original 105 female and one male member of DOS speak nostalgically about the friendship they had with their masters.
Appearing are Angelica Hinojos, Danielle Roberts, Sahajo Haertel, Leah Motishaw, and Linda Chung. Missing is Michele Hatchette.
Explanatory comments are [in bold and brackets.]
Danielle Roberts
I loved my relationship with my master [Allison Mack]….
I knew her for quite some time before DOS ever started. And I really, saw her as a friend. I also saw her as like a front runner, like a co-front runner. I felt like we had very much similar missions in what we were doing [in NXIVM]. She was leading the Source [a NXIVM related acting course] and I was one of the co-leaders of exo|eso [a NXIVM related fitness course]. And I felt very simpatico in that way, like [we were] strong women who had a mission, who wanted to bring more compassion and humanity and ethics to our fields, hers being acting, and mine being medicine, and I felt very close with her in that way, very inspired by her in that way… I think that was for me a big part of why our relationship was unique, and a big part of why it was so valuable to me….
I also think we had a friendship beyond that…. But I think those deeper values… were the foundation of our relationship. It wasn’t until much later that she invited me to join DOS. …I had worked with her in ex0|eso and she took my stexy classes [exercise classes in exo|eso] and I did some of her acting classes….
There wasn’t as much hanging out… until I joined DOS. And then we actually spent more time together as I was introduced to the other women [slaves of Allison] in my circle [Nicole, India, Michele].
Allison Mack with her DOS slaves: Nicole, Michele, India and Danielle….
We would go into the town, [Clifton Park]… go to coffee shops, do different things with each other that were more personal, intimate stuff like that. And I actually built more of a friendship with her [Allison] … through DOS than I had before that. But [I] very much maintained a respect and a reverence for her deeper values and wanting to evolve and grow. So it was a very nice, very missed relationship in my life, for sure.
Linda Chung:
I didn’t know her [Linda’s master was a First Line Mexican] super well but what I did know of her, [she was] someone I deeply respected, deeply admired. I just thought she was an amazingly strong woman who I think I really liked, I really trusted, and I felt very honored actually that she thought of me [to join DOS as her slave]….
We worked together on some projects, and that’s where I kind of got to know her more…. And I just thought that the idea of this [DOS] sorority and everything was really innovative…
I wasn’t surprised that Keith [Raniere] was involved. I kind of was assuming so, but it didn’t really make a difference one way or another to me. … I don’t really have much contact with [my master any more]… I know she’s doing well, I know she’s thriving, and I think she’s just a beautiful soul still.
Sahajo: I knew my friend about six or seven years before she invited me to DOS. She was my coach for a while, and we became very good friends. Actually, she was in the first Intensives [NXIVM classes] that I did, and I really admired her and loved her energy.
She was just super funny and genuine, and I thought she was really authentic. And we became good friends over the years, and she came to my wedding. She was one of the few people… who would always come and be there if I had a [dance] performance somewhere…. And this was way before DOS. So I considered her a good close friend for years. And then she invited me to DOS and told me about it. And I remember when she first invited me and said the whole master-slave thing, I thought she was joking. I thought it was like a joke, and I couldn’t really wrap my head around it. But that whole process… was very meaningful… I trusted her, that even if I had questions or even if there were things I wasn’t sure about or how it would look like, I knew I was in good hands with her…. It was a very meaningful invitation [into DOS], and also me participating. And during DOS, things sometimes got rough and rocky. In sense, I was not a very good slave. I was very defiant so she would often ask me to do things, and I wouldn’t do them or I would just throw a tantrum or just be like, “No.” And I was not very easy.
And she still stuck to me, and she still kept on trying. And actually, you know, I knew Keith was in DOS, and people think that he was commanding us or something like that, or telling us what to do, which is not true.
The only time he ever asked me something in relation to DOS was he said to me, “Can you be nicer to your master?”
Because he knew how I was being with her and how hard I was making her life. So that was the only thing he ever really asked me of my participation in DOS.
But yeah, it was a very meaningful commitment, and she’s someone that I really love and care for. And it’s one of my most special relationships that I have in my life for me.
Leah:
…The woman who invited me was a friend [A second line master under Rosa Laura]. I had been friends for years… [I] would invite this person to my birthday party and would expect her to show up because that’s the kind of closeness we were. So it wasn’t even weird when she’s like, “Hey, you want to go out for dinner?” and I was like, “Sure.” and we’d go out for dinner. And that’s where she first told me about DOS, and that was like totally typical within our relationship. That’s the level of friendship we had. And I absolutely had the exact same thought of like taking it very seriously. Like this is somebody who’s asking for a lifetime commitment . I’ve already made one of those [[her husband], so I take it very seriously. I would take any kind of commitment like that seriously. So I had the same thing of visualizing. I was like, “Okay, so this was before [I had] kids. This is… a friend that I want to proactively say is going to be there for [my] kids being born, kids going to school, kids graduating school, kids going off, them getting married.
You start trying to imagine your life decades down the line. How often do you do that? I don’t do it super often, but it was a really interesting opportunity, and to think about ‘do I want a lifelong friend in this proactive way?’ It was totally novel. This idea that you could proactively set out to say, ‘I want to be a lifelong friendship with this person.’…
When I was considering inviting other women into DOS, it was the same process. I had a thought of, ”okay, who do I want to have in my life for the rest of my life? For the rest of our lives together?” Like, really, really, this is not a light invitation. So, it was really meaningful because I certainly saw DOS as intimately linked with friendship. It [master slave] wasn’t a relationship separate from friendship. It was a deeper friendship in many ways and a more proactive friendship. I don’t know if that works or not. We, unfortunately, didn’t get to test it to know how long these relationships and friendships could have gotten, how deep they could have gotten, how long they could have lasted. But, you know, I think all of us had the intention of it being for the rest of our time here. You know, it’s pretty special.
Angelica:… I was thinking about that, at least with my master, [a second line Mexican woman under Rosa Laura] and… I was thinking, as you were all talking,… how many of us still have friendships with our masters? And it brings me back to… what is a friendship…? [Is it] someone who you call every day? Is it someone who you … just hold them in your heart and hold them high up in your… love, but not talk to them? Is that a friendship?…
It was sad what happened in our situation [the destruction of DOS]. In my case, my master, I really admired her. I still do. She was a leader in… a different [NXIVM] project… She was… super strong and super sweet at the same time. And I love those qualities. I was like, “Oh my gosh, that’s like the perfect combo. Like, I want to be strong and I want to be sweet,” you know?… That’s how I saw her. And when she invited me, I… thought about it for a few hours… Some people took weeks and months… For me, it was really quick because… I really wanted to be [like her]... And … she said that she was not alone… there were other women who she was friends with. Right? Like, they were having this combination of multiple women helping each other. I thought that was amazing. I was like, ‘What better thing to have than women supporting each other in the way that I knew I needed to be helped?’
And I knew it was not going to be comfortable. I didn’t exactly know how uncomfortable. And not to say, [as critics say] ‘Oh, you guys were doing the calorie thing.’… It’s not like that. I never did the calorie counting. I never did anything that was really against my values. Never. I wouldn’t have. Those were my values, and that would have been betraying me. But it was very uncomfortable, because when I failed at something that I was asked, like, saying good morning and good evening [by text] to my master, to my friend, whenever I failed at that, my agreement [as punishment] was 50 burpees and I hate burpees. I hate them so…. it was that type of discomfort.
A burpee is a five-part movement as shown in this illustration.
And the fact that she was a friend in that sense, that she held me accountable, but she also helped me in a really beautiful way because she knew what I wanted to become, because I had told her those were my values and the things that I wanted to achieve….
I’ve been really thinking about what is friendship, and I do still hold her really dear in my heart. I know she’s doing well. We live in different cities. We don’t really communicate anymore, unfortunately.
But… if she calls me and needs my help, and I hope she knows this, I got her….Same for my slave. I was fortunate enough to be able to share that type of relationship with someone else, and I do feel very strongly about my commitment to her….We don’t live in the same country, and she’s doing her thing. She’s older than me, and I really admire her in many ways. So I really think it’s a two-way street for sure. So yeah, beautiful….
Danielle: … I’m glad that you ladies said the things that you did because, I mean, to be honest [Allison is]… just one of the people that I care about the most in the world, you know, and it hurts. It hurts to think about it, because I personally can’t have communication with her right now. [Allison’s terms of probation forbid contact with anyone associated with NXIVM]… I avoid thinking about it because it’s painful. But it’s nice to be reminded of how much I just genuinely loved her, admired her, was so excited to have her in my life for the rest of my life, and have us grow old together, and have even the group photos that we did in DOS. Like, we fantasized about having those pictures together, naked pictures together, you know, through every stage of our life, pregnant stages, older stages, saggy stages… She was my whole heart… I definitely still feel that way. I don’t know how she feels about me. She’s been through a whole lot [arrest, prosecution, and prison for two years], and… I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to her again, but there are things I do to honor her in my life. There are things… I have given up… [to honor Allison] It’s actually really nice to just revisit that…
Sahajo Yeah, I agree. I had… a monthly assignment that I did in DOS that I had a reminder in my calendar, you know, for every month when it was due. And I never deleted it. It’s been reminding me every month for the last three, four, or five years since we’ve stopped, because I wanted to remember that bond, that commitment that I had made to her, to myself… to my growth. And yeah, it was very important to me… [My master] is in my heart, and… that friendship is forever…. It’s very special to have that with someone.
Angelica… This is a very emotional topic, and it made me think…so much has happened… I’m thinking about my master… Is it going to be worse if I reach out than to not reach out? … It’s always a battle. But I think this is the beauty of what we’re doing whenever we think about how can we be better, how can we be best friends to someone, how can we deepen our relationship, and we’re going to… mess up. We’re going to make mistakes…. But I think that the most important thing is to come back to it, and through this beautiful reflection, it’s like, okay. Maybe… I want to change something. Maybe not even with the person before, but…with someone that I’m engaging with right now…. These are topics that are really close to our hearts…
