Faction Disclaimer:
The ensuing narrative is a meld of fact and fiction, colloquially known as “faction.” The statements attributed to Dr. Richard Gardner are his true word derived from his published works.
The character of Barry Cuda represents a composite of lawyers familiar to the landscape of family courts. While many elements presented here are rooted in truth, there are segments that have been adjusted, fabricated, or amplified for the sake of the story. It’s up to the reader to discern which elements are true and which are not. The author assumes no liability if a reader is unable to differentiate between fact and fiction and does something stupid – like go to family court. If any portion of this work offends you, kindly chalk it up to fiction; if you find something you agree with or like, then it’s undoubtedly true. As with most things in life, feel free to be like the vast majority who conveniently believe what they want to believe and ignore or disbelieve what they do not, which in the end is the true purpose of faction.
By Barry Cuda
Family Law Attorney
Dr. Richard Gardner, who invented parental alienation, said mothers involved in bitter divorces brainwash their children into believing their fathers abused them.
He advocated for removal of the mother to “reeducate” the children.
Family law attorneys use his parental alienation theories to remove mothers from their children’s lives and hand custody to the fathers.
Invoking “parental alienation” can shift focus away from investigating allegations of abuse, including cases where the mother is not lying about abuse.
Dr Richard Gardner
Dr. Gardner said:
There are millions of people in the United States who are either directly accusing or supporting false sex-abuse accusations and/or are reacting in an extremely exaggerated fashion to situations in which bona fide sex abuse has occurred.
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), p.688
Gardner realized society’s reactions were excessive, drawing parallels to witch hunts like those in Connecticut and Massachusetts.
He advocated for therapists to understand that a father having sex with his children is not nearly as bad as a mother alienating a father because of it.
Over the years, therapists gravitated to family law, especially the custody evaluator, because they can make a fine living from this philosophy.
Dr. Gardner said:
The belief by many of these therapists that a sexual encounter between an adult and a child — no matter how short, no matter how tender, loving, and non-painful — automatically and predictably must be psychologically traumatic to the child… The determinant as to whether the experience will be traumatic is the social attitude toward these encounters.”
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), pp.670-71
To save the mother from losing contact with her children, the therapist has to help her not be so reactive.
Dr. Gardner said:
“If the mother has reacted to the abuse in a hysterical fashion, or used it as an excuse for a campaign of denigration of the father, then the therapist does well to try and ‘sober her up’… Her hysterics… will contribute to the child’s feeling that a heinous crime has been committed and will thereby lessen the likelihood of any kind of rapproachment with the father.
One has to do everything possible to help her put the ‘crime’ in proper perspective. She has to be helped to appreciate that in most societies in the history of the world, such behavior was ubiquitous, and this is still the case.”
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), pp.584-585
Dr. Gardner also understood that many mothers who accuse fathers of pedophilia are lashing out at their fathers who had sex with them when they were children.
Dr. Gardner said:
“Mothers who have been sexually abused as children may have residual anger toward her molesting father or other sexual molester, and this may be interfering with her relationship with her husband. This should be explored in depth, and she should be helped to reduce such residual anger… Perhaps she can be helped to appreciate that in the history of the world his behavior has probably been more common than the restrained behavior of those who do not sexually abuse their children.”
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), pp.585
Gardner helped judges, lawyers, therapists, and custody evaluators understand that pedophilia is not necessarily abuse and, if anything, if it is abuse, it is the mother’s fault. The father would not have had to resort to his children if she had been more accommodating.
Dr. Gardner said:
“In many cases, [the mother] was sexually molested as a child… She may never have achieved an orgasm — in spite of the fact that she was sexually molested, in spite of the fact that she had many lovers, and in spite of the fact that she is now married.
The therapist, then, does well to try to help her achieve such gratification. Verbal statements about the pleasures of orgastic response are not likely to prove very useful. One has to encourage experiences, under proper situations of relaxation, which will enable her to achieve the goal of orgastic response…
Vibrators can be extremely useful in this regard, and one must try to overcome any inhibition she may have with regard to their use… her own diminished guilt over masturbation will make it easier for her to encourage the practice in her daughter, if this is warranted. And her increased sexuality may lessen the need for her husband to return to their daughter for sexual gratification.”
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), pp.584-585
As Gardner does, family court professionals who employ his parental alienation believe that it is not so bad to enjoy pedophilia, but a hysterical mother trying to stop the father by destroying the father is an alienator and must be removed from the children’s lives.
The judge decided you can’t be with your mother. She’s dangerous and has a personality disorder. You don’t need your mother. We are going to have a lot of fun. I am going to give you a bath tonight and tickle you all over, but you can’t tell anyone, when I show you the magic dragon. Thank you, Dr. Gardner!
The real problem is society. The mob shouts hysterically against this standard and fruitful practice, so family court professionals must defend the pedophile father by constantly calling the mother a liar. If she tries too hard, we use a custody evaluator to declare she has a personality disorder.
The custody evaluator must never admit that the father is a pedophile. Her job is to find the mother is an alienator.
However, getting the mother out of the way is half the solution. The children must understand it was not as bad as their mother made it out to be.
Come to papa, kids. Your mother alienates you – the judge just said so.
Dr. Gardner said:
“Older children may be helped to appreciate that sexual encounters between an adult and a child are not universally considered to be reprehensible act. The child might be told about other societies in which such behavior was and is considered normal…. The child has to be helped to appreciate that we have in our society an exaggeratedly punitive and moralistic attitude about adult-child sexual encounters.”
Gardner, Richard A., True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse (1992), p.549
So, the bottom line here is that it doesn’t matter whether pedophilia happened. If it did not happen, then the mother has alienated the children.
Your mother alienated you son. You must live with your father.
If there was pedophilia and the mother makes a big deal of it, she still alienates the children.
We have ways of ensuring father knows best.
We use parental alienation in cases of true pedophilia and false accusations. The good news is by promoting the idea that mothers always lie, we can discredit the mothers and take them out of the children’s lives.
You’re coming home with me, son. Your mother is crazy. We will play tickle the dragon again tonight.
A good dad [above] went bad because his wife did not do her duty, forcing him to move toward other available family members.
We do not worry much about whether it is true. We need to silence the mother in all cases, make her look crazy, and, if she is open to it, get her a vibrator.
In my next column, I will explain how we make money from parental alienation.
