What are the odds?

One of the most unusual things occurring in that place of miracles – Clifton Park, NY – is that all of the women who are Keith Raniere’s inner circle say they are allergic to garlic.

April 19th is National Garlic Day, a terrible day in Clifton Park.

It seems mathematically impossible that this kind of allergy could be so widespread.

But ask any woman in Clifton Park, NY and they will tell you – they are allergic to garlic.

Their leader, Mr. Raniere, guides them in their daily diet – and it has been learned from the women that many of them did not know they were allergic to garlic until Mr. Raniere told them.

Mr. Raniere, who is also referred to as Vanguard, controls their calorie count, and what they eat. Mr. Raniere prefers his women to be very slender.

Generally, he tells his inner circle of women the reason for many of their problems is that they are allergic to garlic.

Many of the women heretofore liked garlic. But once they learned that garlic was the the root of their problems, they promptly quit eating the spicy and pungent herb.

READER ADVISORY: The following is very graphic. All followers of Mr. Raniere are asked to STOP READING HERE AND GO ON TO THE NEXT POST. Also, no one under the age of 21 may read further for it may be disturbing. Thank you.

Mr. Raniere also points out that not only are his women allergic to garlic, but he does not like the way it makes their vaginas taste or smell.

Mr. Raniere has made a sincere study of the odor of women’s genitals and has developed numerous theories about the pubic and genital regions of the human female from puberty onward.

A DIGRESSION

All of his women today have 70s-style pubic hair “bushes”.  None of them shave or trim their pubic hair, which makes for, at times, an odd bathing suit appearance, since stray pubic hairs often emerge from within the lines of their modern-day bathing suits.

The all wise Vanguard knows what he likes.

Mr. Raniere loves bushy bushy bush and he loves to insert his tongue into the vagina of properly accoutered women.

Mr. Raniere forbids shaving, or even bikini waxes. He says that the full growth of pubic hair increases the pheromones – the natural sex-alluring scent that strikes an arousal “trigger” in the opposite sex.

As a result, Allison Mack, Nicki Clyne, India Oxenberg, Lauren Salzman – and anyone else he chooses to bed – must maintain a nice 70s-style bushy bush, sources say.

“No bush – no Raniere,” is a slogan many of the women clearly understand.

The only time the women shave is when they are about to be branded on their pubic region with his initials with a white-hot cauterizing iron.

GETTING BACK TO GARLIC

All of Mr. Raniere’s slave-women are allegoric to garlic.

If they eat garlic, Mr. Raniere will not perform cunnilingus on their vaginal area.

This raises a number of interesting points.

Pizza is Keith Raniere’s favorite food as is evident by his expanding waist line.

Mr. Raniere’s favorite food – and the one he eats the most – is pizza.

His women may not eat pizza because it has too many calories.

They may also not eat garlic. This too is curious. Not only does Mr. Raniere not like the smell of garlic as it is emitting from a woman’s vagina but – and this may be Mr. Raniere’s splendid sense of humor – but garlic has been used since before medieval times to ward off vampires, evil spirits and the devil himself.

Is Mr. Raniere playing a practical joke on the women he rules by not permitting them to eat garlic – or else he will not have cunnilingus with them – as if he is making a subtle joke on them that he is the devil?

Mr. Raniere suffers from erectile dysfunction so other than cunnilingus he has no other way to please a woman. Perhaps if he did not ail from erectile dysfunction, he could allow women to eat garlic since he would have his nose more distant from the offending garlic smell.

On the other hand, maybe the women really are allergic to garlic.

It is not known whether the pizza Mr. Raniere eats contains any garlic in the sauce.

Last, but not least, as is well known, Mr. Raniere loves to kiss women on the lips.

Some woman have complained that his lips and breath smell, if not quite like garlic, like another pungent and tangy type of smell that some have likened to a woman’s vagina.

I have had my pussy branded; I do not shave it and the hair grows out all over; I eat 500 calories per day; I only go to sleep with my Vanguard’s permission; and I quit my lucrative acting job and squandered away my fortune on NXIVM classes. Am I now fit to be in your harem?, asks the wonderful Allison Mack.

He did not get that paunch from eating celery.

Keith Raniere loves pizza and the good news is he doesn’t have to share since the women are forbidden the high calorie delicacy.

The right food for women.

Vegan is good for women. Not good for men.

From left to right: Morbidly obese obese, fat

The right weight for Mr. Raniere. Just don’t eat any garlic.

T

If you look closely at Keith Raniere’s face, especially around his nose, you may be able to imagine he has a fine sense of smell. Indeed many of the women who know Mr. Raniere can smell what he has recently smelled since he is often adorned with a perfume-like aroma that smells uncommonly like a woman’s vaginal area – sans garlic in their diet.